I have this treasure in the earthen vessel Christ is in me- God’s Son is now in me But I must self deny, die to my wishes And I must reckon myself dead to sin
Christ is the treasure that is now in me But He is hidden when I do not die When I my life try to by me to live When I refuse to self-deny, Christ follow
Christ is the treasure in the earthen vessel He’s now in me, and I am now in Christ Reveal Your Son in me, I ask You Father That He might live in fullness through me now
Reveal Your son in me, reveal completely For He’s much better, He is pure and holy And He is gentle and so kind and meek And I Him want His life to live through me
Reveal Your Son, the One Who is so humble And in the heart He’s lowly and so meek He is compassionate and very caring He is the One who heals from all disease
He is the One who has all power, might And all authority in life He has He is above all principalities and power Before Him everyone each knee will bowl
(5/7/2020)
“Then He said to them all, “If anyone desires to come after Me, let him deny himself, and take up his cross daily, and follow Me” Luke 9:23 NKJV
“Who gave Himself for our sins, that He might deliver us from this present evil age, according to the will of our God and Father, to whom be glory forever and ever. Amen” Galatians 1:4-5 NKJV
“But when it pleased God, who separated me from my mother’s womb and called me through His grace, to reveal His Son in me, that I might preach Him among the Gentiles, I did not immediately confer with flesh and blood” Galatians 1:15-16
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The war in Ukraine has displaced and affected many there. And yet I believe God is sending me there.
As I prepared to go to Ukraine, I was thinking about my greatest need. What is the biggest prayer request that I have? Finances? Safety? Connections? Health? Miracles? God to do mighty things? Many to be touched by the love of God? All of these I would love to see and have- but none of them are my greatest need.
Traveling Can Affect Our Relationship With God
I have been to missions trips to Ethiopia, Mexico, Poland/Ukraine- and realized that traveling can affect our intimacy with God. We get out of our routine and sometimes it is hard to make time for God- to just be with Him- in His Presence, at His feet. Strange how we can be on a missions field- doing things for God, and yet neglecting God Himself.
And when I realized how easily I can get distracted and not spend time with God Himself while traveling, I earnestly prayed,
Lord help me to never neglect You and Your Presence, especially when I am traveling and out of my routine. Help me to make time for You and Your Word, to be with You, and to be in Your Word. Empower me to make time for You whether I am in a group or alone, in a car or in airplane…
Jesus is Our Peace
You see, We can be in the safest place on earth, have all the money we need, have perfect health, and great relationships- and still be fearful, anxious and full of worry. I don’t ever want to be fearful, anxious or full of worry- even when there is a war, and bombing and scary situations.
I realized that my number one need is not safety, finances, health, connections, or relationships. What I need the most is to be with Jesus, at His feet, in His Presence. I need Him.
Because you see, when we have been with Jesus, we start to smell like Jesus. The sweet aroma of His presence, His peace, and His love robs off on us and we carry it throughout the day to others.
No need to strive to have peace- just be with Jesus and accept His peace and you will walk in it.
As we gaze upon Jesus and adore Him- we are changed from glory to glory to look more like Him. More conformed into His image. Jesus is love. He is peace, He is more then a conqueror, He is patient, He is hope.
And the more we gaze on Him -the more we walk in His love, peace, patience, hope and as conquerors who can face any challenge and overcome!
Grace and peace can also be multiplied to us through the knowledge of God (2 Peter 1:2).
In other words, the more we get to know God, who He is and His character, the more peace we will have. No need to worry if you truly know Him as Jehovah Jireh- Our provider, Jehovah Shalom- Lord our Peace, Jehovah Rapha- Lord our Healer… etc.
God will also keep us in perfect peace if our minds are stayed on Him (Isaiah 26:3).
So if I lose my peace it is because have forgotten who God truly is or my mind is not stayed on Him.
My Greatest Need
While I would love others to pray for my safety in Ukraine, for provision, for divine connections, for will of God to be done in Ukraine through me, and for many to receive divine healing and come to knowledge of God- all these things are not my greatest desires, and not my greatest prayer requests.
My greatest need- is God Himself.
My biggest prayer request is that I will not get too busy or too distracted to spend time with God- to be at His feet- adoring Him. My biggest need is that I don’t get too preoccupied with news or circumstances around me.
My biggest need is that no matter where I am, and how inconvenient the time is or unsafe, that my focus would be on God, that my mind will be stayed on Him always.
That I will never neglect His Presence. That I will never neglect God, even while serving Him.
In all the ministry and in being a Martha, I never want to lose the heart of Mary- that longed to be at the feet of Jesus, adoring Him, listening to Him, gazing at Him.
“Now it happened as they went that He entered a certain village; and a certain woman named Martha welcomed Him into her house. And she had a sister called Mary, who also sat at Jesus’ feet and heard His word. But Martha was distracted with much serving, and she approached Him and said, “Lord, do You not care that my sister has left me to serve alone? Therefore tell her to help me.” And Jesus answered and said to her, “Martha, Martha, you are worried and troubled about many things. But one thing is needed, and Mary has chosen that good part, which will not be taken away from her.” Luke 10:38-42
In 2017, I wrote this poem, and want to share it:
One Thing is Needful
One thing is still needful- to be at Your feet And yet I neglected that time at Your feet I chose entertainment, and Facebook and blogs I chose other stuff and not You, my God
And I noticed not, how dry I became How restless and anxious, how empty and vain I tried to find comfort and peace for my soul Outside of Your goodness, outside of You Lord
The Enemy also, did whisper to me “You are so unworthy; He just you won’t love” I tried to find comfort, I tried to find peace For I have forgotten the Gospel of grace
For I have forgotten my riches in Christ That Christ is the answer, His righteousness- mine For I have forgotten how much He me loves In Him I am worthy, with Him there is peace
That grace is abundant; there’s grace upon grace That Christ is sufficient and sin He forgives And I have forgotten, that I am God’s child That I now have access to God’s throne of grace
And I have forgotten how great is this God How glorious, majestic, how holy, and big That it is a privilege to walk with this God Yet I have neglected, neglected I God
I could not find peace in all other stuff I came back to God, repented and bowed And I was reminded: His love never stopped His grace is abundant, and always He loves
My soul now has peace, it’s filled with His love My sin is forgiven and I am washed clean My heart is now joyful and I now have rest For Christ is sufficient and He is enough
And I can now worship; I worship and praise I praise God for mercy; for love and His grace I worship this God, I bow at His feet This God who me loves, has grace and forgives!
8/15/17 Y. Gorelova
If you will be praying for me, the most important prayer that I need is to never neglect God. To never lose intimacy with Him. And that all my ministry will flow out naturally out of my relationship with God.
Yes, pray for other things… but most importantly pray that I stay full of God, and carry the sweet aroma of Jesus no matter where I go.
Perfect Peace is only found in Jesus. I want Him. And if I have Him and am filled with Him- I will have perfect peace… and perfect love… and everything else.
And to conclude, I would like to share one of the songs that I love when I spend time with Jesus. Maybe this song will disturb the religious people. But it is precious to Jesus and my relationship with Him:)
And in the sea - I make a way
And path through mighty waters
Remember this when you will face
A sea of many problems
Do not remember former things
Consider not the things of old
Behold, a new thing I will do
It will spring forth- you this must know
A road in wilderness I make
And rivers in the desert
And to My people I give drink
For they are Mine, declare My praise
There was a time you have been weary
Of Me you have been weary
You did not honor Me at all
Nor sacrificed for Me at all
And with your sins you burdened Me
With your iniquities – Me wearied
But I am He who still forgives
Blots our all your transgressions
And all you sins, all of your sins
I will not them remember
For My own sake I blotted them
You are still Mine- I’ll be with you
2/6/2022
“Thus says the LORD, who makes a way in the sea And a path through the mighty waters, 17 Who brings forth the chariot and horse, The army and the power (They shall lie down together, they shall not rise; They are extinguished, they are quenched like a wick): 18 “Do not remember the former things, Nor consider the things of old. 19 Behold, I will do a new thing, Now it shall spring forth; Shall you not know it? I will even make a road in the wilderness And rivers in the desert. 20 The beast of the field will honor Me, The jackals and the ostriches, Because I give waters in the wilderness And rivers in the desert, To give drink to My people, My chosen. 21 This people I have formed for Myself; They shall declare My praise. 22 “But you have not called upon Me, O Jacob; And you have been weary of Me, O Israel. 23 You have not brought Me the sheep for your burnt offerings, Nor have you honored Me with your sacrifices. I have not caused you to serve with grain offerings, Nor wearied you with incense. 24 You have bought Me no sweet cane with money, Nor have you satisfied Me with the fat of your sacrifices; But you have burdened Me with your sins, You have wearied Me with your iniquities. 25 “I, even I, am He who blots out your transgressions for My own sake; And I will not remember your sins. Isaiah 43:16-25 NKJV
Fear not for I redeemed you
Have called you by your name
And you are Mine- believe this
Fear not for I’m with you
And when you pass through waters
I will be there with you
When you go through the rivers
They won’t you overflow
And when you walk through fire
You won’t be burned in there
Nor shall the flame scourge you
I am the Lord Your God
(Read this again- don’t miss this
It does not say you won’t
Be in the fire or waters
But when you are in them
He will be there with you
Don’t doubt His love for you
When you are in the fire
Or when through waters pass)
And in My sight, you’re precious
And I have loved you much
(For us God gave us Jesus
His precious Son He gave)
By My Name You are called now
I made you and I formed you
Created for My glory
You’re Mine, belong to Christ
I am the Lord, Your Savior
Beside Me there are none
I work, who can reverse it?
Or deliver out of My hand?...
(2/6/2022)
“1 But now, thus says the LORD, who created you, O Jacob, And He who formed you, O Israel: “Fear not, for I have redeemed you; I have called you by your name; You are Mine. 2 When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; And through the rivers, they shall not overflow you. When you walk through the fire, you shall not be burned, Nor shall the flame scorch you. 3 For I am the LORD your God, The Holy One of Israel, your Savior; I gave Egypt for your ransom, Ethiopia and Seba in your place. 4 Since you were precious in My sight, You have been honored, And I have loved you; Therefore I will give men for you, And people for your life. 5 Fear not, for I am with you; I will bring your descendants from the east, And gather you from the west; 6 I will say to the north, ‘Give them up!’ And to the south, ‘Do not keep them back!’ Bring My sons from afar, And My daughters from the ends of the earth— 7 Everyone who is called by My name, Whom I have created for My glory; I have formed him, yes, I have made him.” 8 Bring out the blind people who have eyes, And the deaf who have ears. 9 Let all the nations be gathered together, And let the people be assembled. Who among them can declare this, And show us former things? Let them bring out their witnesses, that they may be justified; Or let them hear and say, “It is truth.” 10 “You are My witnesses,” says the LORD, “And My servant whom I have chosen, That you may know and believe Me, And understand that I am He. Before Me there was no God formed, Nor shall there be after Me. 11 I, even I, am the LORD, And besides Me there is no savior. 12 I have declared and saved, I have proclaimed, And there was no foreign god among you; Therefore you are My witnesses,” Says the LORD, “that I am God. 13 Indeed before the day was, I am He; And there is no one who can deliver out of My hand; I work, and who will reverse it?”
In one week, on June 15th I have a ticket to go to Poland… and from Poland the plan is to get to Ukraine
I don’t have all things figured out, and there are still many unanswered questions… but I simply know I need to go to Ukraine.
And my heart has been burning to go…
**********
When we arrived to Poland early spring of 2022, the man who picked us up from the airport and drove was a Ukrainian refugee himself. He and his family had to flee Ukraine, and he showed us pictures of his destroyed business- which was bombed.
He also showed us pictures and very disturbing videos of the atrocities that are happening in Ukraine.
He showed us burned buses and burned remains of innocent civilians who where just trying to flee to safety. They died after a bomb hit them. It was painful to watch.
And as I was looking at those videos, I kept praying, “Jesus take the pain and soothe it, because I can’t carry it”. And God is always faithful. He filled my heart with hope and peace.
And then, while we were driving to the house where we were to stay, I wrote this poem:
How do you deal with pain that is so deep?
How do you soothe the heart that’s wounded deep?
What do you tell a person who’s been hurt
And saw dead bodies, arms and legs torn out?
What do you tell to those who are in shock
Who lost their comfort, homes and income, jobs
Who did survive, but now they are in shock
They try to numb the pain that’s deep within
Do you them hold, and hug and let them cry?
How do you comfort and console the pain?
It seems that human efforts, they just fail
The love of Jesus only can them heal
I am reminded, that God -He is Love
Father of mercies He is still today
God of all comfort also He is still
And God of Hope and Peace He also is
His Holy Spirit He is now in me
Not some of Him, but all of Him in me
And I pray that His love through me will flow
And comfort those who through such hardships go
And I pray that His peace through me they’ll feel
Those who with such great pain now must deal
And I pray that His light through me will shine
So very brightly to those all around
What can I do, when I see such great pain?
I can let Jesus use my arms and mouth
I am His feet, His mouth and His hands
Lord use me here, to bring Your healing, life
(3/31/2022)
“Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of mercies and God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our tribulation, that we may be able to comfort those who are in any trouble, with the comfort with which we ourselves are comforted by God. For as the sufferings of Christ abound in us, so our consolation also abounds through Christ” 2 Corinthians 1:3-5 NKJV
Two days before I was to leave for Poland to help with the Ukrainian refugees- I received healing from what I will call “ICU trauma”.
In one instant, I saw all of the patients that I had taken care of -who had died. And there were so many of them. And when I saw them all at the same time, I wanted to scream.
The pain was too deep and too sudden. Never in my life my heart and soul hurt that deeply…
I never realized that each death made an imprint in my heart and I carried the pain of so many patients.
When I worked as an ICU nurse, I thought I was emotionally tough. I thought I handled the pain well.
I thought reading, writing, and times at the beach healed and erased the pain. Maybe those things dulled it and numbed it- but the pain was still there- buried deep inside me.
The following poem I wrote few years ago- because the number one question people asked me when they found out that I worked in ICU was “Have you seen someone die” or something about death.
I Saw Death
I saw death… Sometimes it came so gently It came slowly, and there was not rush At other times it was so gruesome, bloody Sometimes it came so fast and was so harsh
I saw death… I saw how loved ones wept And I saw parents lose their only daughter Death came, for loved ones it cared not Death children before parents sometimes takes
I saw death... Death came for that young woman And to her mother, doctors said “No hope” Her mother simply would not have it She wanted us to fight and death prevent
I saw death… And death and life a vicious battle fought Death did not win that day, But life was wounded That life exists, but life it could not live
I saw death… Sometimes a death a gift of life would give A gift to someone who’s a stranger A transplant, and a chance to live Through death sometimes somebody else would live
I saw death… I cared for dying patient And later on connected I the dots This other patient for whom I was caring My other patient’s organ had received
I saw death… I saw how patients waited I saw how much they struggled just to breathe A transplant desperately they needed Some lived, received it, others are now gone
I saw death… And death me has reminded That life is short It is a gift from God Our days are numbered, never guaranteed And before God, each one of us will stand
I saw death... It wounded many people It separated loved ones mercilessly It caused such grief, such pain, And so much heartache And seeing this, sometimes my mind made numb
I saw life That life were many patients Who did survive, who lived, left ICU They sometimes would come back and simply thank us For all the hard work daily that we do
That life Those many, many patients Those smiles, the very grateful hearts They would encourage us and keep us going To work where it, at times can be so hard
This week we celebrate nurses and all the hard work they do. The things the nurse experiences can inflict pain and leave scars on the nurses heart.
Today, I want to share how I was healed from the pain that I never even realized I carried deep inside. If you are interested, keep reading.
Facing the Pain I Never Knew I Carried
On Monday, February 28th, 2022, I woke up shortly after 4 am- very suddenly. I instantly knew that I needed to go to living room, and I knew something was going to happen.
I came to the living room with my Bible, notebook… but found it difficult to concentrate.
I then remembered that I still had some photos from ICU that I needed to delete. Actually, I knew I needed them deleted since last year, but something held me back; it’s like I was tied to those photos. I did not want to let go then.
While those photos where not of patients, I knew the patient who was in the room. I had taken photos of equipment/life support, and other things. And by looking at those photos- I knew who these belonged to. I knew that those patients had died.
At that moment, it was like I felt God standing in the room, waiting for me to delete the photos. I knew that I absolutely needed to delete those photos that moment.
I deleted those photos, and I thought I would feel better. Instead, my mind was flooded with so many of my patients that died. In one instant I saw them all.
You know how if you shake a carbonated drink and open it, it just floods everywhere? This is how it felt like. Like some plug was removed from inside me, and the things that were inside where under so much pressure, that they came out instantly, and with force.
Very few patients died on my shift, and somehow, I had deceived myself into thinking that if they did not die on my shift, then it should not hurt as much. But when I would find out later on that so and so died- it still hurt.
I swallowed hard, or quickly numbed the pain and moved on. ICU is no place for grieving. There are other patients to take care of.
Like every other ICU nurse, I put on a tough face and moved on, not realizing that each death -the pain -made on imprint on my heart.
It’s one thing to find out that the patient you had previously taken care of die from time to time… but to see them all at one time- was very drastic and awfully painful.
Never in my life have I wanted to scream so bad like I wanted to in that moment. The pain was excruciating. But I live with roommates and I did not want to wake everyone up. All I could do was say “Jesus take the pain away from this one, and that one, and this one…” Over and over again.
I worked in ICU as a nurse for almost 10 years, and if only 5 of my patients died a year, that’s already 50 patients. There were so many of them.
After the initial “explosion” of seeing them all at once, I saw them one by one- until I gave the pain to Jesus.
I saw eyes of a patient who never received a lung transplant- and died few weeks after I had taken care of her.
I saw 2 mothers who had lost their sons being wheeled out of ICU because they physically could not leave the body.
I saw scenarios and patients and families… and with each picture again and again I would say “Jesus take the pain away of this one too, and that one…”
I was restless at first and was quietly crying the entire time.
After about an hour the pain had ceased, though pictures of patients kept coming to me until Jesus took the pain away from each one.
I felt so much lighter, like a weight was taken off me. The weight that I did not know I carried inside of me. I was freed from the pain of so many deaths and sad ICU cases that day.
And yet, I still felt like my heart was “raw” after that experience. Like the wound was not yet healed completely. My heart was still tender and ached.
The Grace of Receiving Healing
During this process, I heard alarm clocks of my roommates go off from time to time. Yet no one opened the door, no one got out of their room until 8 am- when I was already better.
God gave me that day not only healing, but also the gift of privacy. I was able to deal with that ICU trauma with Him and not wake anyone up or be questioned by anyone- why I was crying.
But I started to question if I was truly ready to go to Poland- for I was supposed to leave only 2 days after this. How could I help ease someone’s pain I thought, when my heart is still aching?
I shared this experience with few friends that day, and later on I called Andrew Wommack Prayer Line for a prayer,
and told the person who picked up the phone that I needed prayer and that I was going to Poland on a missionary trip. This verse was released to me before praying,
“For you shall go out with joy, And be led out with peace; The mountains and the hills Shall break forth into singing before you, And all the trees of the field shall clap their hands” Isaiah 55:12
This believer who was speaking to me and had no idea what experience I just went through, gave this verse to me.
“I shall go out with joy?” It was hard to believe at that moment- yet I received that encouragement. I decided I was going to go to Poland by faith. God will take care of my heart and my pain.
The Healing Was Completed with Laughter
The next day, late Tuesday evening was the day before I was to fly out to Poland. That evening God used another situation in my life and made me see it in different light. Suddenly, that situation and how I handled it became so extremely funny to me!
I laughed and laughed and laughed that evening thinking of that other situation. I went to bed laughing and woke up laughing! The joy of the Lord had filled my heart, and my heart felt totally healed!
So complete and thorough was the healing, that I went to Poland with joy and lightness in my heart! And I came back with joy!
I received healing from the ICU pain that I did not realize I was carrying deep inside me. Many people pay thousands of money to get healing from pain or find out what is wrong with them/ what the deep issue is. I had one intense session with God Himself and was totally healed by His grace and love! Intensive Care Unit nurses sometimes need intense healing.
As I was going to Poland, I was reminded of this passage:
“Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of mercies and God of all comfort,
Who comforts us in all our tribulation,
that we may be able to comfort those who are in any trouble, with the comfort with which we ourselves are comforted by God” 2 Corinthians 1:3-4
Those Who are Comforted- Can Comfort Others
In Poland, I was able to comfort so many Ukrainian refugees. Pray for so many people. So many people told me, “Thank you that you are here”. “Thank you for praying, this helps so much”. “Thank you for being here”. Many wept after I prayed for them or hugged them.
And when I saw difficult situations, or was told of horrifying stories, I gave the pain to Jesus right away.
“Jesus take the pain of this situation/ or that person/ or this”. And Jesus took the pain away- right away.
There is a limit to how much pain of others or of difficult situations we can carry. Some can carry more then others. But why carry it, when you can give it to Jesus? Why carry it, when you can walk lighter and freer, and joyful?
Give Your Pain to Jesus
I have learned that I need to give all pain to Jesus.
The pain of negative words that were hurtful and were spoken against me or to me in the past… I realized that it’s not enough to just forgive, I needed to renounced those negative words and detached myself from them and gave the pain to Jesus. And I was freed from so much insecurity that I had!
Jesus can take your pain away too. You do not have to carry it.
If you are reading this and need healing for your heart, for your soul, I would like to release a prayer for you and you can join in praying:
Father, thank You that You are the God of all comfort and consolation. Thank You that You are the Father of Mercies. Thank you Jesus that on the Cross You took our sin, our shame and experienced pain physically, emotionally, and mentally so that we can be freed and walk in Your freedom, healed and made whole. Thank You that You allowed Yourself to hang naked on the Cross to provide healing for any sexual shame or trauma we might of experienced. I place my trust in Your finished work. You are my Savior.
Jesus I give you my pain. I give you the pain of ______ and _____…. You know this hurt me deeply, but I am giving You this pain. Take this pain Jesus. Thank You Jesus for taking my pain and for healing me. Thank you for loving me. Thank that I do not have to carry this pain of rejection, depression, bitterness, death, _________, I give it to You today.
Teach me Your ways Jesus. Teach me how to deal with difficulties and trials in life. Teach me and Help me give You the pain right away. Jesus thank You for forgiving me and I too forgive every person who has wronged me. I forgive ____….
[If you have been wronged and have not forgiven that person or yourself, it is so important to forgive to receive healing. Forgive so that You can move on. Forgive like God, for Christ’s sake has forgiven you].
Jesus, I do not want to carry the weight of my sin or of pain that I saw or the pain that was inflicted to me. Thank You for taking my pain and from freeing me. Thank You for filling those areas of my heart that were hurt with Your love, peace, and comfort. Thank You for Healing me.
It is OK to cry during the healing process. It is OK to weep. And if you feel like screaming loudly will help and can do so without causing a scene- it’s ok to do so (as long as it’s not at someone).
It’s OK to take the time to think, to process your emotions. Allow yourself time for that. Don’t try to distract yourself with phone, social media, TV, etc. Allow the healing to take place.
But most importantly, give the pain to Jesus. Release yourself from this heavy burden that you are carrying, and by faith give the pain to Jesus. And thank Him for taking your pain away.
I’m freely sharing this with you, with peace and joy and love in my heart❤️. I have been healed and freed, and you can be too!!
There is no partiality with God (Romans 2:11)! What He did for me, He can do for you!!
Who is this Enemy that has raised up? Who is this Enemy who came to steal, kill, and to destroy?
To steal peace from people.
To steal people’s comfort, homes, family and friends.
To destroy innocent lives, to destroy houses, and buildings, and bridges and roads and airports…
To kill hope and freedom and in return give fear and chaos.
Who is this Enemy who does not care how many people suffer or are killed?
Who is this Enemy that the Church must rise up and RESIST?
Some automatically think the Enemy is Russia or the Russians, or the Russian government. Some point fingers at the corruption of Ukrainian government.
But our war is never against people.
“For we do not wrestle against flesh and blood, but against principalities, against powers, against the rulers of the darkness of this age, against spiritual hosts of wickedness in the heavenly places” Ephesians 6:12
There is an illegal evil ruler that is behind the scenes. The prince of the air. The thief. The real Enemy who “works in the sons of disobedience” Ephesians 2:2b.
Maybe this is a good time for each person to ask themselves a question:
“Am I a son/daughter of disobedience? Does the devil work through me also because I am not obedient to God?”
The wicked “prince of the air” works through the sons of disobedience to do his evil work through them and rule wickedly on the earth.
So many people- looking at the damage being done are being fearful and discouraged- instead of making sure they are submitted to God and instead of resisting the real Enemy.
I am reminded of David and Goliath. And today, God is looking for the Davids to face the Goliaths of our day.
Goliath the giant challenged someone from Israel to fight him…
“And the Philistine said, “I defy the armies of Israel this day; give me a man, that we may fight together. When Saul and all Israel heard these words of the Philistine, they were dismayed and greatly afraid” 1 Samuel 17:10-11
The king Saul and his people were terrified when they were confronted with Goliath. And so many people are terrified and are dismayed and afraid when they heard of the war in Ukraine.
Jesus said:
“And you will hear of wars and rumors of wars.See that you are not troubled; for all these things must come to pass, but the end is not yet.
For nation will rise against nation, and kingdom against kingdom.
And there will be famines, pestilences, and earthquakes in various places.
All these are the beginning of sorrows” Matthew 24:6-8 NKJV
It seems like the most logical thing to do is to get troubled in our heart when we hear bad news.
I was born in Ukraine and lived there until almost 10 years old. I have relatives there: aunts, uncles, cousins, etc. My Dad’s identical twin brother and a lot of his family are in Ukraine.
Gunshots and bombs are heard and the shakiness felt by many who are now in Ukraine. It truly is scary.
Normal lives are disturbed. People are afraid and are hurting. And there is so much unneeded blood loss…. Blood of children and husbands and wives and fathers and mothers and sons and daughters…
“See that ye be not troubled” (Matthew 24:6b) Jesus told us. In other words, it is natural for us to get troubled when we hear of wars and rumors of wars, but Jesus told us to see that we are not troubled. This means it is our responsibility to not get troubled even in these dire circumstances.
But how do we NOT get troubled when so many are in DANGER and many are Hurting?
Goliath was the problem that the Israelites were terrified of and afraid of -to the point that they fled from him.
“And all the men of Israel, when they saw the man, fled from him and were dreadfully afraid” 1 Samuel 17:24
While everyone else was terrified and fled, David had a different approach. He said,
“For who is this uncircumcised Philistine, that he should defy the armies of the living God?“ 1 Samuel 17:26c
It was as if David was like, “Who does he think he is? How dare he challenge the armies of the living God!”
David’s mindset was not one of fear, but of one who knew he could not be defeated because he knew God was with him and he knew God will deliver him!
David boldly decided to face and fight Goliath.
Even King Saul tried to discourage him and did not believe in David and mentioned to David that he was inexperienced and young, while the Giant was a warrior since youth.
In 1 Samuel 17:25-36 we see that David answered Saul’s hesitation to allow him to fight Goliath by remembering how God helped him before.
When circumstances are difficult, we need to Choose to remember how God delivered us before and how He answered our prayers before and got us out of impossible situations!
David said “The LORD, who delivered me from the paw of the lion and from the paw of the bear, He will deliver me from the hand of this Philistine” 1 Samuel 17:37b.
David did not say God helped me before and therefore I will deliver myself from Goliath. He said THE LORD will deliver me!
When things are difficult, we are to consider JESUS- think of Him and what He did for us. “For consider Him who endured such hostility from sinners against Himself, lest you become weary and discouraged in your souls” Hebrews 12:3.
If we take our eyes off Jesus and look at the chaos around us- we can easily become weary and discouraged.
This is NOT the time to get weary and discouraged!! The darker the world gets, the brighter our light must shine. We must shine with the love, grace and mercy of God!
Who are the David’s of this generation who will RISE UP and fearlessly FACE the GIANT!
The giant of fear
the giant of despair
the giant of hopelessness
the giant of war
the giant of communism
the giant of anxiety
the giant of death
"Submit yourselves therefore to God. Resist the devil, and he will flee from you" James 4:7
Our knees are to bow only before Jesus and not before the spirit of hopelessness, fear, war or any other thing. So many bow to hopelessness and despair when the bad news hits home.
You see, we cannot resist the Enemy passively. We cannot resist the Enemy by watching the news.
Maybe it is time for the body of Jesus Christ to rise up and remind the devil:
Devil you have been defeated at the Cross of Jesus Christ!
Jesus TRIUMPHED over you!
I overcome you by the Blood of the Lamb, by the word of my testimony, and by not loving my life unto death!
“And they overcame him by the blood of the Lamb, and by the word of their testimony; and they loved not their lives unto the death” Revelation 12:11 KJV
David faced the Goliath (1 Samuel 17: 45-49). He came to him in the Name of the Lord of hosts and the God of the armies of Israel.
David declared that the Lord does not deliver by sword or by spear; for the battle is the Lords and He will give Goliath into his hands.
“Then said David to the Philistine, Thou comest to me with a sword, and with a spear, and with a shield: but I come to thee in the name of the LORD of hosts, the God of the armies of Israel, whom thou hast defied” 1 Samuel 17:45
Then David declared, “Then all this assembly shall know that the LORD does not save with sword and spear; for the battle is the LORD’s, and He will give you into our hands.” 1 Samuel 17:47
The battle was the Lord’s but God still needed David’s hands and feet, and David’s body to accomplish the victory. Likewise the battle is still the Lord’s, but He needs us to do what we are asking Him to do.
Instead of persevering in prayer and standing on God’s Word and resisting the devil, so often Christians become passive and just say something like, “Everything that happens is God’s will”. I was this taught and maybe you too have been taught this.
But if everything that happens is God’s will, then why did Jesus teach us to pray “Your will be done on earth like it’s in heaven” (Matthew 6:10)?
If we have to pray that His will be done, than that means that God’s will is not always being done on earth. So everything that happens is NOT God’s will!
Just one example- it is the will of God that in everything we are to give thanks. We do not give God thanks in everything- therefore God’s will is not always done. “In every thing give thanks: for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus concerning you” 1 Thess 5:18 KJV.
We pray and we know that God can do EXCEEDINGLY ABUNDANTLY ABOVE ALL THAT WE ask or pray!
“Now unto Him that is able to do exceeding abundantly above all that we ask or think, according to the power that worketh in us, Unto Him be glory in the church by Christ Jesus throughout all ages, world without end. Amen” Ephesians 3:20-21 KJV
We often say this verse and focus on the fact that God can do exceeding abundantly above all that we ask of think. But we forget that this verse has a second part to it: according to the power that works in us.
Not according to the power that is passive or hidden in us. But the power that WORKS in us- if we allow Him to work in us.
That power that WORKS in us. How often we do not realize who that power belongs to.
When we don’t realize it or hide it or do not allow it to flow out of us by being yielded to God- we prevent God from accomplishing exceedingly abundantly above all that we ask or think.
“We are more than conquerors through Him that loved us” Romans 8:37b
God, always causes us to triumph in Christ! (2 Corinthians 2:14).
We are complete in Christ and Christ is above any demonic being. In Christ dwells all the fullness of Godhead bodily
“For in Him dwelleth all the fulness of the Godhead bodily. And ye are complete in Him, which is the head of all principality and power” Colossians 2:9-10
We are complete in Christ and in Him is all the fullness of God. (This is of course speaking of us, the body of Christ, the saved, born again believers).
That means that the power that works in us is God Himself. The great I AM.
The Conqueror. The Over-comer. The Mighty God. The God Almighty. The Prince of Peace. The God of all Comfort and Consolation. The God of all Grace. The God who is LOVE. The God Who Heals. The God Who Provides.
All of who He is dwells in the believer’s spirit, not just a part of Him. But how much of Him comes out of our spirit all depends on how renewed our mind is and how yielded we are to Him, and how much we allow God to have us.
The battle is the Lord’s but God needs our hands, our feet, our mouth, our bodies, to do the work we are asking Him to do.
Who will say, Lord here are my hands- they are Yours now, so use them to bless others.
Lord, here are my feet- lead me where You want to go and use them to step on every viper and scorpion of the Enemy.
Lord, here is my mouth, I want Your Word to abide in me richly so that my words are seasoned with grace and truth and use my mouth for Your glory. And help me to say and believe what is Biblical TRUTH instead of what I am seeing with my physical eyes. Help me to declare Your glory and to praise You with my mouth no matter the circumstances.
Lord here is my body. Make Yourself at home in my body.
I want to accomplish with my body the works that You have foreordained for me to walk in. I want to glorify You with my body. I am giving You my body, as a living sacrifice to You, to accomplish what You desire on this earth.
Lord, I want to LOVE like you do and forgive like You do in every situation. I want to love all of my brothers and sisters in Christ the same: the Ukrainians and the Russians and every person.
I want to become LOVE and truly love those who are “supposed to be my enemies” (the Russians). I refuse to have any hatred or bitterness towards them. The people of Russia are not my enemies. I have only one Enemy: satan and all his demons.
“But I say to you, love your enemies, bless those who curse you, do good to those who hate you, and pray for those who spitefully use you and persecute you” Matthew 5:44 NKJV
Lord, I want my light to shine in this dark world.
I pray God’s Kingdom come and God’s will be done on earth like it’s in heaven.
In God’s kingdom there is righteousness, joy and peace in the Holy Spirit (Romans 14:17). In God’s kingdom there is PEACE and JOY.
And I pray God’s Kingdom will come to each house and each life in both Ukraine and Russian, and the entire world.
Lord, give each person a spirit of repentance, that each person would turn from their sinful ways, and place all their faith in Christ and Christ alone and follow Christ no matter the cost.
JESUS YOU ARE LORD! And I submit myself to you.
Father, Deliver us from evil in the name of Jesus.
Thank You that YOU REIGN! Thank You that You are FOR US and not against us!
Thank You that You are the God Almighty and that YOU ARE GOOD!! Thank You that You will use even this war for good to those who love You and who are the called according to Your purpose.
Thank You Lord that You are our REFUGE and our Fortress and our STRENGTH!!
We will not bow before fear, hopelessness, and war, and despair. We will not allow our hearts to be troubled, because YOUR REIN JESUS! We will bow only before You Jesus, for You alone are Lord of lords, and King of Kings!
Help us Holy Spirit to keep our eyes on Jesus, to abide consistently in Jesus, and to have our minds consistently stayed on You Lord.
Psalm 46 NKJV “God is our refuge and strength,A very present help in trouble. Therefore we will not fear, Even though the earth be removed, And though the mountains be carried into the midst of the sea; Though its waters roar and be troubled, Though the mountains shake with its swelling. Selah There is a river whose streams shall make glad the city of God, The holy place of the tabernacle of the Most High. God is in the midst of her, she shall not be moved; God shall help her, just at the break of dawn. The nations raged, the kingdoms were moved; He uttered His voice, the earth melted. The LORD of hosts is with us; The God of Jacob is our refuge. Selah Come, behold the works of the LORD, Who has made desolations in the earth. He makes wars cease to the end of the earth; He breaks the bow and cuts the spear in two; He burns the chariot in the fire. Be still, and know that I am God; I will be exalted among the nations, I will be exalted in the earth! The LORD of hosts is with us; The God of Jacob is our refuge. Selah”
And when the fifth angel sounded
A star from heaven did fall
And bottomless pit was opened
And great smoke from the pit arose
Out of smoke upon earth came locusts
And they power like scorpions had
But the plants and the grass they hurt not
-Only those who had not seal of God
For five months they were given power
To torment those upon the earth
In those days people death will seek
Death will flee from them Scriptures says
And the locusts were shaped like horses
Horses that are prepare for war
And their faces were like face of men
And their hair was like hair of women
And their teeth were like teeth of lions
And they tails like the scorpions had
There was sting in their tails also
For five months they had power to hurt
When the sixth angel trumpet sounded
One third part of all people were killed
By the fire, by smoke, by brimstone
That came out of the mouths of “horses”
And the rest of the people not killed yet
By these plagues they repented still not
Of their works of their hands, of idols
They repented still not of their sin
They repented still not of murders
Nor of sorceries or their thefts
And of sexual sin they also
They repented not of fornication
***
This was written to all us warn:
One day grace upon earth will end
And the earth will be judged with wrath
But for now- there is grace, much grace!
There is grace- God still offers mercy
Just repent! From your sin turn now
Come to Christ, place your face in Jesus
And you’ll never face wrath of God
Jesus tasted God’s wrath for us
So you it do not have to face
But if you His great grace despise
One day for you there’ll be no hope
“And the rest of the men which were not killed by these plagues yet repented not of the works of their hands, that they should not worship devils, and idols of gold, and silver, and brass, and stone, and of wood: which neither can see, nor hear, nor walk: Neither repented they of their murders, nor of their sorceries, nor of their fornication, nor of their thefts” Revelation 9:20-21
“Or despisest thou the riches of His goodness and forbearance and longsuffering; not knowing that the goodness of God leadeth thee to repentance?” Romans 2:4
“…behold, now is the accepted time; behold, now is the day of salvation” 2 Corinthians 6:2c
“Go ye therefore, and teach all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father, and of the Son, and of the Holy Ghost: Teaching them to observe all things whatsoever I have commanded you: and, lo, I am with you alway, even unto the end of the world. Amen” Matthew 28:19-20
Thank You Father that now is the day of salvation, that now we live in the time of grace!
Thank You that it is Your goodness Father, that leads people to repentance. Thank You for Your goodness.
Help me Holy Spirit to use every opportunity I have to bear witness of Jesus and to bring people to You Jesus.
Thank You Jesus that You are always with me, even unto the end of the world
The heaven is always filled
With praises unto the King
The heaven, it is not silent
For God there is always praised
But when seventh seal was opened
There silence in heaven was
For half an hour dead silence
For something was dreadful to come
But before the wrath of God
Was poured upon this sinful earth
Another angel did come
And stood at the alter then
Much incense was given to him
To offer with prayers of saints
The prayers of saints and that incense
Ascended up there, before God
Those prayers to God that you pray
They never at all are forgotten
Each prayer to God that is prayed
By saints, it is not forgotten
And then one by one, seven angels
Their trumpets they then did sound
And there came hail and fire
And third part of trees were burned
The third of the sea became blood
The third of the ships were destroyed
A great star from heaven fell
On third part of rivers it fell
The name of that star is called Wormwood
The third part of waters it ruined
And bitter became water from it
And many men died as result
The third part of sun was smitten
The third part of moon was too
And so was the third part of stars
And third part of them was darkened
And then through the midst of heaven
An angel did fly, loudly said
Woe, woe to on earth who are living
…Because things will get much worse
“And another angel came and stood at the altar, having a golden censer; and there was given unto him much incense, that he should offer it with the prayers of all saints upon the golden altar which was before the throne. And the smoke of the incense, which came with the prayers of the saints, ascended up before God out of the angel’s hand” Revelation 8:3-4
“Let my prayer be set forth before Thee as incense; and the lifting up of my hands as the evening sacrifice” Psalm 141:2
“Be careful for nothing; but in every thing by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known unto God” Philippians 4:6
“Let us therefore come boldly unto the throne of grace, that we may obtain mercy, and find grace to help in time of need” Hebrews 4:16
“Having therefore, brethren, boldness to enter into the holiest by the blood of Jesus, By a new and living way, which He hath consecrated for us, through the veil, that is to say, His flesh; And having an high priest over the house of God; Let us draw near with a true heart in full assurance of faith, having our hearts sprinkled from an evil conscience, and our bodies washed with pure water” Hebrews 10:19-22
Thank You Jesus that because of Your sacrifice I can come boldly before Your Throne of grace
Thank You that You want me to not worry, but make my requests known unto You
Thank You that You hear me and remember and answer my prayers
Thank You that right now there is grace abundant
Thank You that You tell me to come boldly before Your throne of grace and I come boldly to enter into the holiest by the blood of Jesus
I draw near to You with a true heart in full assurance of faith. Thank You that my heart is sprinkled from evil conscience and that my body is washed with pure water
I was a Christian who was enslaved to sexual impurity, masturbation for over 20 years and needed deliverance
In our society- the topic of sexual purity seems to be almost a subject of mockery. After all, after the sexual revolution- it seems like everything is OK and is allowable. To say sexual pleasure is to be exercised only in marriage between a man and a woman, seems so outdated and a matter of ridicule for so many.
Just the mention of Biblical sexual purity makes many people angry.
How dare someone tell us what is OK or not OK when it comes to satisfying our bodies sexually! Honoring God with our bodies does not seem important for so many.
But does it matter what our society tells us when the bride of Jesus wants to honor Him and be presented before Him holy, pure and blameless!
I am part of the Bride of Christ, and wanted to honor God with my body. I wanted to remain a virgin, pure. Outwardly it seemed like I was so pure. Even as a 33-year-old I have never even kissed a guy. And yet in my mind and alone in my bedroom- was another story. I was a slave to masturbation and sexual fantasies.
It has been on my heart to share my testimony of my struggle with sexual purity as someone who is still single.
Many who know me, might find this shocking to hear that I not only struggled with sexual impurity and masturbation, but I was addicted to masturbation and mastered by it for so many years.
This poem- while mentioning other sins was written after I once again was mastered by masturbation and felt so ashamed and condemned.
To Be Forgiven
How vile before Your eyes my sin My pride, my unbelief, that selfishness My arrogance, my little love for Christ On how my flesh does fight against Your ways
I can pretend, that I’m OK, I’m good I can ignore the fact that I’m a sinner I can make people only see my good And cover up those vile things of heart
But being fake will not at all do good For You do know those things I try to hide Forgive me Lord, I beg you wash me clean A contrite Spirit, Lord you won’t despise
I trusted self, I thought that I was strong And played with sin, not thinking it was fire Those little sins, I thought that they were small On how they grieve the holy, eyes of God
Create in me a clean heart, holy zeal A spirit that is right renew in me Those things that please You not, I want them gone Don’t want to grieve Your holy, precious Name
For me so difficult it is to comprehend That God so holy, magnified, so great Himself did lower came to this earth And shed Hid precious Blood, for our sins died
Oh Jesus you did pay that awful price! For worthless sinners, those who You do grieve But oh how little You are loved for that So many do reject this gift of life
2/23/15
I, who was considered such a “good Christian” by every outward appearance could not free myself from masturbation or “solo-sex”- trying to satisfy my sexual desires outside of God’s designed way.
This is another poem I wrote as I struggled with being dominated by masturbation and sexual fantasies.
Slipping Into Sin Again
My sin, my sin; It is so evil! It nailed the Precious Son of God To be a curse, of God forsaken My sin did pierce the Son of God!
But then my flesh deceives me often And tells me, “This one’s not as bad This sin is small, it will not matter God understands, He will forgive”
And then I think, “Oh I can handle, I’ll entertain this sin a bit But then I’ll stop, I won’t go farther” I am so easily deceived
Before I realize the trouble I’ve sinned against the Holy God I’ve grieved the Precious Son of God Despised commandments I from God
Oh God forgive me, I beg pardon I’ve sinned against You, grieved You much I played with sin, but it was fire So quickly left it me in scars
My sin, my sin, it is so wicked Oh how I need the Blood of God! You washed me clean, I am forgiven But I cannot like this continue
I do not want to grieve You Father Don’t want to think some sin’s OK Don’t want to compromise, be callous I want my life to be for HIM
4/3/16
Oh how I tried to get freedom from that sin!! The pleasure always ended with shame and so much condemnation.
So much guilt.
How could I, who is the temple of the Holy Spirit, defile my body- again, and again and again?
It seemed like when I sinned, my sin was so much worse than everyone else’s -because I sinned consciously- letting my lust and passions control me.. and then was crying out to God for forgiveness over and over again.
This was a cycle that happened over and over again.
This is another poem of how deeply this sin grieved me:
When I Was Grieving Deeply
When I was grieving deeply My sin before the Lord It’s weight I felt so heavy And grace I didn’t deserve
There is no condemnation For those who are in Christ But I despised the Blood He shed And sinned and sinned again
I Name of God dishonored To self I did not die I did my own heart’s pleasure Too proud to seek the Lord
I didn’t deserve God’s mercy And grace I didn’t deserve I cried to God, forgive me Again He sin forgave
But I still bowed there weeping I do not want to sin For Jesus died to save me To save me from all sin
And yet I am defeated By sin so often still Because I do not love God With all by being still
By sin I am defeated Because I am so proud And often grieve God’s Spirit By seeking my own will
When I was grieving deeply My sin before the Lord The Lord reminded gently That I’m beloved still
The Lord is very pitiful In James I read this truth And He’s of tender mercy Though I it don’t deserve
I was encouraged greatly By mercy and His grace That He still loves me greatly And I too Him belong!
2/27/2019
I was trying to be free but did not know that all I needed was TRUTH for the truth sets one free, not our pleading to God.
I knew Jesus was the truth and the answer, but I did not know what that meant in practicalityand how I could be set free. The verse whom Jesus sets free is free indeed- was simply not a reality in my life. I did not know what freedom meant and what it meant being set free in real life.
How it All Started…
I began the battle with masturbation when I was just a little girl- way before I was 9 years old- maybe I was 5 or 6 years of age- I don’t remember. It was before I knew what sex was or what I was doing.
It took years to realize that this started right after I became a prey to a pedophile, a man who took my underwear off while trying to convince an innocent girl that “it will feel good to have my underwear off”… I didn’t know what happened then- and do not remember if I was only touched inappropriately or raped, but what I know is this- after that moment- something in me awakened and I became addicted to satisfying myself sexually. And I didn’t even know what I was doing.
Years passed… I became a believer at the end of 8th grade, a follower of Jesus. I gave Him my life- but I was still not freed from being mastered by masturbation.
Then more years past… and no one knew and I had no one to turn to, I knew no one I could trust with this shameful bondage that was in my life.
Only one time I felt I could trust one elderly single Christian believer with this- as I desperately wanted freedom- but her advice was something like sharing with me how God took sexual desires away from her after she asked Him to. That did not work for me.
It was out my desperate cry for freedom and the shame that came after sinning, where so many of my poems where born.
God created men and women in His image, to reflect Him, His image. His image is beautiful, holy, pure, compassionate, just, merciful and He is Love. Marriage was created to reflect the way Jesus loves His bride- the church.
“And God said, Let us make man in Our image, after our likeness: and let them have dominion over the fish of the sea, and over the fowl of the air, and over the cattle, and over all the earth, and over every creeping thing that creepeth upon the earth. So God created man in His own image, in the image of God created He him; male and female created He them” Genesis 1:26-27 KJV
When sin entered into the world that image of God that was in Adam and Eve was distorted. And with that distortion came hate, insecurity, loss of identity and every possible vile sin.
God is Love and it is because He is love that He placed sexual relations in confines of a marriage between a man and a woman. It is because God is love that He wants marriages holy, pure and undefined- between a man and a woman. It is because God is Love and He knows how much we will hurt ourselves and how the Enemy will take advantage of us when we sin against His ways that He placed guidelines and told us what is OK and not OK when it comes to sexual relations.
As our Creator, God has every right to tell us what is OK and not OK to do, what is sin and not sin. But God is also LOVE and does not want us hurt by our sin. It is because God knows sin will hurt us that He placed guidelines when it comes to sexual relations.
Sexual sin is a sin against the body. When we sin sexually we sin against ourselves, our body.
“Flee sexual immorality. Every sin that a man does is outside the body, but he who commits sexual immorality sins against his own body” 1 Corinthians 6:18 NKJV
The Religious Things I did to try to Set Myself Free From Masturbation and Never Do it:
I became “hyper religious” and desperately wanted to be freed from that sin.
I read the Bible pretty much every day and prayed. By age 30 I had read the entire Bible over 10 times and the New Testament many more. But that did not free me.
I went to church pretty much every time the doors where opened (twice on Sundays and on Wednesday evenings) and tried to never miss it. But that did not free me from what I did in my bed room- when no one was looking.
I made sure not to listen to any non-Christian music; but that also did not free me.
When I realized that if I watched a movie- even “innocent ones like Cinderella” – and that aroused me and made slip into that sin- I pretty much stayed away from watching movies. I could usually count on one hand how many movies I watched in a year.
I made sure not to read any romance books. Actually, I read very deep Christian/ theological books. These are just some of the books that I read:
Books by A. W. Tozer: ThePursuit of God and The Knowledge of the Holy, The Radical Cross: Living the Passion of Christ, and The Purpose of Man: Designed to Worship
Why Revival Tarries by Leonard Ravenhill
The Cross Centered Life by C. J. Mahaney
Respectable Sins: Confronting the Sins We Tolerate by Jerry Bridges
My Utmost for His Highest by Oswald Chambers
Gospel: Recovering the Power that Made Christianity Revolutionary J.D. Greear
Seeing and Savoring Jesus Christ by John Piper
Abide in Christ by Andrew Murray
Feminine Appeal: Seven Virtue of Godly Wife and Mother by Carolyn Mahaney, Nancy Leigh DeMoss,
Passion and Purity: Learning to Bring Your Love Life Under Christ’s Control by Elizabeth Elliot,
The Screwtape Letters by C. S. Lewis
The Pilgrims Progress by John Bunyan
Quest for Love: True Stories of Passion and Purity by Elisabeth Elliot,
The Mortification of Sin by John Owen
The Bondage Breaker by Neil T. Anderson- while I received freedom after reading this book many years ago, I did not know how to maintain that freedom. And when the “room is empty- 7 more come in” and thus my struggle with masturbation only intensified.
I decided to include some of the books I read to show you, that I didn’t just fill my mind with stories. These are some really deep, good Christian books; I was reading really good Christian books- and yet I could not free myself from the sins that held me captive – and in a moment of weakness often slipped into sin.
Not only was I reading good books, I was also listening to sermons. Actually, I normally listened to sermons instead of music while driving, cleaning, etc.
Doing all of these- did help, but I did not receive total freedom and still would slip into the sin of masturbation in time of weakness.
Small Compromises Lead to Big Sin
As someone who was addicted to masturbation, and wanting to be freed, I could not understand why I would slip into this sin again and again.
Sometimes we get narrow minded when we are struggling with the “big sin” and want to be freed from it but are OK with many other “smaller sins”.
What I did not realize is that when I allowed and made room for the smaller sins in life, then I would always fall into the “Bigger sin” or the “dirtier sin” of masturbation.
Wasting time on the phone, sowing to the flesh- produced the works of the flesh. When I did not guard my mind or allowed fantasies, I often slipped again and again.
“Do not be deceived, God is not mocked; for whatever a man sows, that he will also reap. For he who sows to his flesh will of the flesh reap corruption, but he who sows to the Spirit will of the Spirit reap everlasting life” Galatians 6:7-8
This poem was also written from my heart of struggle with the sin of masturbation:
I’ve Tasted
I’ve tasted, and I’ve seen That God is truly Good And Good He’s always been Even when I failed Him
I’ve tasted- He is Good But then I turned from Him Ignored I Holy God And did not live for Him
I’ve tasted, God is good But my flesh, it’s so weak I’ve tasted sin and spit Then I again sin did
Instead of hating it To it I was just drawn My love for God got weak Why did I run from Him?
I’ve tasted God is good To Him again I come I’m broken, and I’m weak From me He did not turn
He still forgave my sin And washed me again clean I do belong to Him For Him I want to live
11/23/15
The Hidden Sins of Self-centerednessand Pride and the Results of Them
Sometime in maybe like ~2018 I was introduced to Zac Poonen, a preacher from India. I listened to him almost every day for over a year and God started to do a radical transformation of my heart and life.
Through Zac Poonen, I saw the Word of God and the freedom in Christ through new light.
For the first time in my life, I saw how much pride was in my life and how much self-centeredness I had.
Zac Poonen was unlike any other preacher I that I listened to. Rivers of Living Waters just flowed from him. I could listen to just 15 minutes of this monotone preacher, of any part of a sermon and receive so much spiritual food. My eyes began to open to what being a Christian really meant and the importance of being Christ-centered and what it truly meant.
SIN SHALL NOT HAVE DOMINION OVER ME!
I heard Zac Poonen share his testimonies of believing God’s Word- that sin shall not have dominion over him and how he proclaimed that verse specifically. He struggled with anger in the past and would declare by faith, “The sin of anger shall NOT have dominion over me” (from Romans 6:14) even when he slipped into it again and again. He would stand on that verse, that sin shall not have dominion over him until he received and walked in victory- no matter how much he was triggered by others.
I started to stand on that verse and started to see a change, a progress. Masturbation used to be the sin I did almost every day or most of the days of the week, but after listening to countless of Zac Poonen’s messages and practicing what I learned- I began to see victory. I was slipping into the sin of masturbation only 1-2 times per month.
Progress and Victory Does not Mean Freedom
But one time is too many. I did not want to just see progress. I wanted FREEDOM.
Another thing I learned from Zac Poonen is the importance of being honest before God.
Admitting to God “I do this sin because I love it/ love how it makes me feel in the moment” because if I did not love it I would not be doing it. And then asking God to take the desire to sin away, and give me love for righteousness and hate for every sin.
One day, after I listened to a message by Zac Poonen, You Tube recommended “as my next video that I might be interested in” and sermon by Derek Prince.
At that time I had never heard of Derek Prince, but the title of the message caught my attention. It was something about deliverance from demonic oppression and suddenly something inside me really wanted to listen to it.
I started listening with skepticism- after all I was taught very well that there are many “false prophets/ preachers” and I needed to be careful whom I listened to.
And then Derek Prince said a statement that absolutely shook me: “Our flesh needs to be crucified, but a demon needs to be cast out. You cannot crucify a demon”.
You cannot crucify a demon rang in my ears and suddenly my eyes were opened: I was dealing with a demon.
Derek Prince proceeded to say that most addictions- or sins from which a person is struggling to get freed from, have a demonic spirit behind them. And many Christians are trying to crucify a demon, but he needs to be cast out.
What he said, absolutely rattled me- for I was someone who was taught very well on Baptist/Evangelical/Reformed theology. Christians don’t have demons I was taught this so very well and I this believed.
DEMONS NEED TO BE CAST OUT:
Derek Price continued the message… what I remember is this: “Some demons are easy to cast out, but the demonic spirit of masturbation is an extremely powerful demon and more difficult to cast out… but no demon is bigger or greater then the power of Jesus Christ”.
Then he said something like, “I have learned that if a person has been touched inappropriately or sexually violated- often a demonic spirit gains entry to the victim and that is why many people who have been sexually abused often struggle themselves with sexual sins”.
Everything made sense now to me. I was an innocent child who was touched and since that moment I was addicted to masturbation. And for the first time in my life, I realized I was dealing with a demon of masturbation.
Derek Prince proceeded to start casting out demons.
As he was naming them off, I was naming them off, rebuking them and commanding them to leave me also in the name of Jesus. “Spirit of complaining you leave now in the name of Jesus”, “Spirit of Masturbation I rebuke you, be gone in the name of Jesus”. Every sin and demon that I though I struggled with I would also name them after Derek Prince and command them to leave me in the Name of Jesus.
How exactly it all happened I do not know. But what I knew that day was that Jesus SET ME FREE that day!!!
I was freed from masturbation and even when tempted – Jesus has kept me free for over two years now!
I was also freed from the spirit of complaining. Before being freed, I could not understand how not to complain. Complaining about everything was the most natural thing to me and to not complain seemed impossible. But now things were different!
Although I might still occasionally slip into this “respectable sin” I now recognize it immediately and it no longer has a stronghold in me.
Derek Prince is someone who has died many many years ago- but God is still using him to set captives like I was, free.
I was set free not in a church, but in my own bedroom, while listening to him preach and commanding the demons to go.
So many preachers I have listened to often proclaimed that they preached “the whole counsel of God” and yet not one of them I saw set captives free.
So many preachers preached powerful sermons on living holy, but did not know how to set captives free.
Paul said his message was not in words only, but in demonstration and POWER.
“And my speech and my preaching was not with enticing words of man’s wisdom, but in demonstration of the Spirit and of power: That your faith should not stand in the wisdom of men, but in the power of God” 1 Corinthians 2:4-5
And for me to be set free, I had to hear a recorded message of a preacher who walked in spiritual authority and power of God- and God used him to set me free while listening to him on You Tube!
FINALLY FREE!!!!
I was around 31 years old when I finally was set free from the sin of masturbation and to this day, Jesus has kept me FREE!! But that means that for over 20 years or for two decades, I was enslaved to masturbation. So desperately wanting to be a good Christian, and yet struggling with it and not knowing where to turn to.
Jesus said the TRUTH SETS US FREE. But if we don’t know the TRUTH we can’t get freedom in the area where we don’t know the truth. And I was taught that Christians don’t need deliverance from demons.
I was taught that if I am struggling with a sexual sin, then that means that I need to crucify the flesh, read the Bible more, pray, go to church, don’t watch/read anything that can trigger you. And I was doing all of these, but was still mastered by masturbation often.
Yes, we need to crucify the flesh, but when there is a habitual sin that no matter how much you try to crucify the flesh- you still fall into that sin and that sin is mastering you- instead of you it- then there is probably a demon that needs to be cast out.
I have found that many Christian denominations seem to be so out of balance and lean on one extreme or the other. Some focus on only casting out demons and do not preach the importance of crucifying the flesh. And our flesh can’t be cast out, it needs to be crucified.
Other Christians, only preach on crucifying the flesh, and nothing about casting out the demons.
Christians too, sometimes need deliverance from demons. But if they don’t believe they need that, then all their life they will be trying to crucify a demon when it needs to be cast out!!!
Yes our spirit is united with Christ and no demon can be in our spirit- but if we do not know who we are in Christ and the authority and riches we have in Him, then the demonic spirits can gain access to our bodies and souls.
I have decided that I would rather be FREED and WALK in VICTORY rather than hold on to my previous doctrinal beliefs.
I was outwardly a “good, devout, Christian who was secretly in bondage to a secret sin” -for too many years – who could not get freed in a Baptist church or the Reformed Theology. I still love my dear Baptist brothers and sisters in Christ, but I can no longer embrace all their doctrines.
There is something wrong with a doctrine that does not give room to set captives FREE.
There is something wrong with a doctrine that teaches so strongly on holy living but does not know how to SET CAPTIVES FREE who are in bondage.
There is something wrong with a doctrine that tries to counsel demons out instead of casting them out.
There is something wrong when there is no demonstration of the Spirit and of power in preaching (2 Corinthians 2:4-5).
About half a year after being delivered from the demonic oppression, I continued to listen to Derek Prince. After realizing how much I was taught in the church NOT to believe what the Bible said- I started to seek the baptism of the Holy Spirit.
For instance, I was taught that this passage no longer applies to our modern days:
“And these signs will accompany those who believe: in My name they will cast out demons; they will speak in new tongues; they will pick up serpents with their hands; and if they drink any deadly poison, it will not hurt them; they will lay their hands on the sick, and they will recover.” Mark 16:17-18 ESV
One day, after I listened to a sermon on You Tube by Derek Prince about How to Receive the Holy Spirit, I simply asked God baptize with the Holy Spirit, and that day- in my own bedroom- with no one laying hands on me, I received that precious gift and received the ability to pray in Heavenly Language.
Afterwards, I realized how much I was missing out in my life! So often, when I was in a difficult situation- sometimes I had no words to pray or did not know what to pray, but now I just let the Holy Spirit to pray through me- He always knows what is best in every situation and knows what to pray for!
After being delivered from the demons and being baptized with the Holy Spirit, I started to quickly grow spiritually so much more. It became easier to pray and commune with God.
I started to hunger for God’s Word more and started to have a deep desire not to just be a hearer of God’s Word- like I previously was, but I had the desire of being a DOER of GOD’s WORD.
WHEN TEMPTATION COMES…
You might be thinking… “Well do you still get tempted?” Absolutely- but only if I allow myself to dwell in fantasies or feed my flesh and not my spirit. But masturbation DOES NOT HAVE DOMINION OVER ME- and Jesus has kept me FREE from falling into practicing it!! PRAISE GOD!!
And if my body starts to want to tell me what to do, all I need to do is RENEW my mind more and remind my body and my soul WHO I AM IN CHRIST and what HE DID FOR ME!
I find that the best and the easiest way to gain victory, especially if being sexually tempted is to Proclaim OUT-LOUD and Personalize Romans Chapter 6. Normally I declare every verse, personalizing, but let me just give you examples of few verses of how I renew my mind to the Word of God using Romans 6 when I am being tempted:
Vs 1-2 “What shall we say then? Shall we continue in sin, that grace may abound? God forbid. How shall we, that are dead to sin, live any longer therein?”
I say, “I shall NOT CONTINUE in sin! I AM DEAD TO SIN and will NOT live any longer in it!”
Vs 6-8 “Knowing this, that our old man is crucified with Him, that the body of sin might be destroyed, that henceforth we should not serve sin.
For he that is dead is freed from sin. Now if we be dead with Christ, we believe that we shall also live with Him”
I proclaim: My old man, my human nature is CRUCIFIED WITH CHRIST, that the body of sin might be destroyed, that now I should not serve sin!
I am dead to sin and am freed from sin. I am dead with Christ, and I believe I shall live with Him!
Vs 11-14 “Likewise reckon ye also yourselves to be dead indeed unto sin, but alive unto God through Jesus Christ our Lord.
Let not sin therefore reign in your mortal body, that ye should obey it in the lusts thereof.
Neither yield ye your members as instruments of unrighteousness unto sin: but yield yourselves unto God, as those that are alive from the dead, and your members as instruments of righteousness unto God.
For sin shall not have dominion over you: for ye are not under the law, but under grace”
I declare: I reckon myself to be dead indeed unto sin, and ALIVE UNTO GOD thought Jesus Christ my Lord! I DO NOT let SIN reign in my mortal body! I do not obey it in its lusts!
I DO not yield my members as instruments of unrighteousness unto sin, I yield myself unto GOD, as one who is ALIVE FROM THE DEAD, and my members as instrument of righteousness unto God!
Sin SHALL NOT HAVE DOMINION OVER ME, for I am NOT UNDER THE LAW, but UNDER GRACE!
-If needed, I become very specific with the sin I am struggling with, like “SIN of lust/ fantasies/ complaining/ gossip.. shall NOT have dominion over me!
If we slip into these sins, we should not be condemned, but turn back to God and continue to stand on the Word of God that these sins SHALL NOT have dominion over us!
Vs 18 “Being then made free from sin, ye became the servants of righteousness”
Vs 22 “But now being made free from sin, and become servants to God, ye have your fruit unto holiness, and the end everlasting life”
I declare, “I was made FREE FROM SIN, and became the SERVANT OF RIGHTEOUSNESS. I was made free from sin and became servant to GOD and have my fruit unto holiness and the end everlasting life!”
I find it very important, when renewing the mind to declare Scripture Out-Loud, not silently.
Renewing the MIND is the Key to Continue to Walk in Victory!
When we renew our mind by declaring the Word of GOD- declaring what GOD did for us- who we are in our spirit, than that starts to flow to our soul and mind, and our spirit starts to dominate us instead of our soul or body.
Temptation has no power when we walk in the Spirit!
I have noticed that when I consistently renew my mind to the Word of God, and to Who I am in Christ, I start to walk in boldness, authority and do not consciously sin.
It is when I become lazy and do not remind myself who I truly am as a child of God, than it becomes easy to slip into sin. But I can no longer live in sin, and usually repent, turn back quickly.
God is LOVE and He Never Stopped Loving Me, Even When I Sinned Over and Over Again!
Such love, such love, I it can’t comprehend Again again to me You whispered this: “Neither do I condemn you.. Go sin no more, I you do not condemn”
Again, again I sinned, again all over After each time, He still forgave, and loved Each time He said that there’s no condemnation To those who are in Christ- I’m not condemned
I love You child, I love you, you are Mine It was Your love that got me to repent It was Your love, Your grace and Your forgiveness It was Your love that picked me up again
You’re Mine, again You told me I was Yours So pure and blameless, holy and accepted You me accepted in Beloved and gave me The robe of righteousness, abundant grace
Such love, such love so great, Lord You are worthy You’re worthy of my love, You’re worthy worthy I want to know You more and live for You I want to walk with You, be in Your Presence
I’m Yours, I’m Yours again again You say And I say Yes- I’m Yours and You are mine You are my Lord, my Savior, Father too And all my life I want to live for You
1/3/2022
God Delights in Our Intimacy with Him!
The religious world, taught me that because my love for God is puny compared to His infinitely greater love for me, than it almost seems like a crime for me to tell God “I love You”.
I remember I was often afraid and ashamed to tell God “I love You”. After all I was often reminded of how little I loved God, how quickly I fell into sin or chose to delight in scrolling through Facebook or the internet instead of delighting in God. So many sins so easily can us beset.
And many of my poetry that I wrote came from that heart of guilt and my unworthiness and how I did not deserve God’s love.
On Christmas Day of 2019, I remember the Lord placed it on my heart to write a poem of my love for Him. I hesitated as again, I felt unworthy- after all I desired to love Him more, but it seemed like I didn’t love Him enough to tell Him I love You.
When I hesitated, this is what the Lord taught me:
“Imagine a child always telling his or her parents, “I am so sorry… I messed up… I love you so little… I am so sorry… please forgive me… I’m unworthy of your love.. you love me so much more than I can ever love you… please forgive me for this or that…” Any good parent will realize something is wrong with a relationship when all a child can do is constantly feel unworthy of parents love and is unable to just receive love, delight in love, and give it back”.
But this is exactly how a lot of religion teaches people how to act with God. Religion prevents intimacy. We might feel unworthy of God’s love, but He still delights in our simple RECEIVING of HIS LOVE! And He delights in our sincere “I love You Lord!”
And when the Lord taught me that, the religious stronghold of my mind- that I couldn’t tell God I love You started to be destroyed! And I was free to write a poem, that the Lord so loves. And He sometimes gently would remind me to read it to Him again and again.
Actually, He reminded me of it and wanted me to finish this testimony with this poem in which He so delights. I am so loved by Him and I love Him also.
I have learned that receiving and delighting in God’s love is infinitely better than temporary trying to satisfy my body. Jesus is truly all we need. He truly satisfies our deepest desires!
I Love You Lord
I love You my Father With all of my heart To You it belongs And it beats for You Lord
I love You Lord Jesus With all of my heart By faith in it Christ dwells I’m rooted in love!
I love You God’s Spirit With all of my heart You gave me the Spirit Of love, I fear not
I love You my Father With all of my soul In heavenly places You blessed me in Christ
I love You Lord Jesus With all of my soul My soul that was thirsty You satisfied, filled
I love You God’s Spirit With all of my soul You comfort me greatly And for me You groan
I love You my Father With all of my strength You strengthened me greatly By Your glorious power
I love You Lord Jesus With all of my strength Because of You boldly I come to God’s throne
I love You God’s Spirit With all of my strength I’m strengthened with might By Your Spirit inside
I love You my Father With all of my mind You gave me the Spirit Of knowledge of God
I love You Lord Jesus With all of my mind And I let the mind Of Christ in me dwell
I love You God’s Spirit With all of my mind You gave me the spirit Of mind that is sound
I love Lord God You first me have loved And taught me to love You With mind, strength, heart, soul
