“Dad, I really wanted to talk to you, but I just didn’t know how to start the conversation”- said the teenage boy to my comatose patient. As I heard that, a tear rolled down my cheek and I quickly wiped it away.
It hurt to hear those words.
One of the most difficult things for me as an ICU nurse has been watching children lose a parent. I was this patient’s nurse, and it was the day the family was telling him goodbyes. The next day- this patient- who was a husband, a father- was taken off life support.
Earlier in the day, there were a lot of family members in the room. But they had all left to eat; all except the teenage son of my patient- spending the last moments with his father.
There was no response from the patient, from this father, to anything the teenager told him.
Children Want To Talk
“Dad, I really wanted to talk to you, but I just didn’t know how to start the conversation” – rang in my mind again and again. Although this event has happened several years ago- I will never forget it.
And I thought, “How many teenagers feel the same way? They want to talk to the parent, but just don’t know how to start the conversation”.
How many parents are too busy for their children, or simply bought into the idea that teenagers want nothing to do with the parents- when the reality might be that their teenager just doesn’t know how to start the conversation.
I don’t know the dynamics of that family and what exactly happened. Maybe this father wanted and tried to talk to this boy too, but the boy did not have the courage or the words to open up then. Maybe they got too busy. Maybe they thought they had time, but time and opportunity were stolen from them.
Fathers – You are Alive
None of us are perfect. Maybe today you are reading this and you feel like a failure as a father. Maybe you feel like your children don’t care about you right now. Maybe you have always wanted to be a father, but never had that privilege.
But if you are reading this- you are alive. And if you are alive- you have opportunity. To talk, to begin a conversation. To spend time. To ask for forgiveness. To invest into your children. To make them smile and laugh and have a good time. You are alive. It is not too late. You are not a failure, you are an opportunity.
Maybe you have not done everything right- but you were there. You worked hard and provided for your family. You did not quit.
And if you don’t have any biological children- there are so many who need a good father- figure. If you have the father’s heart- you can be a father to those who so desperately need one.
Make time for your children. Have fun with them. Start a conversation. Maybe you will discover- your child really wants to talk with you, and just doesn’t know how to begin the conversation.
Fathers, if you are reading this, you are alive! Be Thankful for this privilege, for this opportunity. There are so many children who wish they had a father still with them.